I knew what was coming because it’s happened before.

Just a few minutes after my son’s Levittown Red Devils suffered a heartbreaking 6-0 loss in round one of the playoffs, I made my way onto the field and waited for him. After shaking hands with the other team and hearing a few encouraging words from his coaches, my son, Bradley walked over.

Because I know how much he loves football and hates to lose, I knew that he was holding those emotions inside. I got down onto one knee and opened up my arms because I had the feeling he was ready to let it all out. He came over to me, put his head on my shoulder and I gave him the biggest hug in the world.

Not every child reacts similarly to losing or to the end of a season. However, there are healthy and effective ways you can help a child deal with loss.

Let your child know you’re there for them. To be completely transparent, Bradley and I were both emotional. When you’re a parent, it is only natural to feel similar emotions to the ones your child is enduring. In the moment, I felt sad as well because I understood how my son felt. I even got a little choked up. As I held onto him and he had his arms around me, I told him how unbelievably proud I was of him and that he had nothing to be ashamed about.

Let it all out. I’ve been covering professional sports for over 27 years and I’ve seen grown men cry in locker rooms after tough losses. If a professional athlete making millions of dollars can cry after a loss, then so can a youth football player. When we walked off the field on Sunday, I told Bradley to let his emotions out. There’s no sense in trying to make him contain his emotions because he loves the game and it hurt to lose. About an hour later, he was fine. It still bothered him, but the emotions were under control.

Put things in perspective. While it’s difficult for a child to find a silver lining during a frustrating moment, it’s important to at least try and encourage a positive outlook on their season. In Bradley’s case, his team finished the regular season 7-1 and qualified for the top tier of playoffs in the league. There are only eight teams that make the top tier, so I repeatedly reminded him that his team was among the best in the league and that is a major accomplishment. Try to accentuate the positives, whether it was an individual achievement or a team accomplishment.

Turn the page. After the season concluded and Bradley let his emotions out in a healthy productive way, he was able to move on. However, he needed to find new activities to fill the void of football. Instead of practice, sometimes he preferred to go home and watch television or play a video game. Sometimes, he wanted to go to a sporting event, which proved to be a good tonic for him. Sometimes, he just needed a little rest and relaxation. In any event, the new football season will start sooner than you think so it is important that your child enjoys his time away from the sport.

Losing is tough at any age.  Even as a parent who has long ago stopped competing in sports, I hate when my favorite team loses in the playoffs. Those are feelings that are understandable, but can prove more difficult for a child to navigate. My son’s team went through training camp, three practices a week and eight games to make the playoffs and it all ended without a trophy. At the youth football level, winning is not the most important thing. However, let’s not forget that there is a scoreboard for a reason, to determine a winner and a loser.

At the end of the day, the hope is that a child will learn from a loss, which will fuel the fire to come back stronger next year. However, as always in youth football, the ultimate result is just having fun and learning the game.

 

Peter Schwartz is an anchor and reporter for the CBS Sports Radio Network. He also writes a CBS New York sports blog at http://newyork.cbslocal.com/tag/peter-schwartz/. You can follow him on Twitter @pschwartzcbsfan. Peter’s son Bradley plays for the Levittown Red Devils of the Nassau Suffolk Football League on Long Island in New York. His son Jared cheers on Bradley and then Bradley returns the favor when Jared is playing soccer.