Perfection is a concept in our minds and does not exist in the real world. Human beings make mistakes. Always have, and always will.

We have a major communication problem existing in the coaching profession, a problem that will negatively impact the culture of a program and is causing current and future harm to athletes long after they finish playing.  

“As a coach, you should never lose your temper at a player, never.” –Pete Carroll

Coaches continuously losing their temper at athletes, their staff, other coaches, referees, and even parents, is more than a problem, it is an epidemic.

Despite the fact that many of the elite coaches and programs are no longer yelling and screaming, berating, and belittling athletes whenever a mistake is made, the trend has not caught on yet.

If the result of making a mistake is an angry and emotional coach, athletes will try to avoid this situation in the future.

In most cases, this means taking fewer risks.

Encouraging an athlete to take a risk on the field will, over time, give them the confidence to take risks in life outside of football. Why is this important?

There are countless adult men and women who I speak to every day, who are having difficulties achieving their true potential in life off the field because of what they experienced from their time on the field. They suffer from a lack of confidence and the fear of making a mistake.

We all have fears. However, these athletes can directly attribute many of their fears to their experiences playing sports and their former coaches. They have wired into their minds that making a mistake deserves being berated, called names and belittled in front of their peers.

So they play it safe and take minimal risk in life, despite wanting more, to avoid their boss, spouse, friends, or complete strangers treating them like their former coaches had.

Coaches, you cannot control the outcome of your athletes’ actions, but you can control how you respond.

The first few seconds after a mistake by an athlete will with either build their confidence or crush it. It will help them find solutions for improvement or it will not. It will either create a connection in your relationship or a disconnection.

It’s your choice how you respond. 

You need to determine, in advance, what you want to accomplish because mistakes are going to happen. However, you only get one shot to respond in a way that will actually get you to the results you are looking for.

Here is an easy way to quickly address a player after a mistake to help them evolve and grow, and at the same time, reduce their mistakes:

1. Begin by using the word “what.” This simple word gives athletes the chance to share from their perspective. You may already know the answer; however, this is your chance to listen. What did you see when reading the defense? What did you think your assignment was? What was the reason you jumped off sides?
2. Use reflective listening. Tell your athlete what you just heard. This creates connection and helps them hear what they said to you. “Ok, what I heard you say is, you thought your assignment was to rush the quarterback, is that correct?”
3. Define the problem. Get to the root of what problem is and clearly define it. Have the athlete tell you the problem and then add your perspective. “It sounds like you didn’t know the correct assignment on this play. The thing is, if you continue to miss your assignments you will never be in position to make a play.”
4. Find a solution. Brainstorm with your athlete possible solutions and address concerns. This is done collaboratively.

By working together to understand the mistake, defining the problem, and then coming up with a solution, a coach and athlete build trust in each other. The athlete takes ownership and is now far more creative and productive on the field because the confidence is high and the fear of their coach losing his temper is no longer there.

Finally, let me be clear. This approach to coaching and communicating is not soft or weak. It is powerful. It is your opportunity to set up your athlete for success both on the field and later in life off the field.

Remember, your athletes are modeling you.

As founder of The Recovering Athlete™, Cletus Coffey teaches and trains coaches, teams, athletes and professionals how to take skills and success learned on the field and apply it to life off the field. As a former defensive back/receiver in the CFL and Arena Football League, and as a first team all- conference football player and a college decathlete at Lewis & Clark College, he faced even bigger challenges once his athletic career was over. By combining his success as a professional athlete and a business/industry expert, he now helps others win at the game of life, not just sports. To connect with Cletus Coffey, email him  info@cletuscoffey.com, follow him @cletuscoffey, or go to https://www.facebook.com/cletuscoffey/ to learn more.