Lack of playing time is a cause for extreme concern for many sports parents.

I know it was for me.

Worrying about playing time kept me awake at night, upset my stomach and sometimes made me irritable and negative.

I suppose if it happened every season with every child, I would have gotten used to it, but the battles varied from season to season. Sometimes there was no battle at all, and sometimes it seemed like my child had lost the battle before the season started. This uncertainty of what each season would bring, depending on the coach and the team scenario, left me always hoping for the best and angry when it seemed like the worst happened.

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There came a point, however, when I learned to make my peace with it. That doesn’t mean I liked it. It means I learned to let it go and let my child handle the battle.

If you are struggling with your child’s playing time realities, then perhaps you can learn to make your peace with it too.

What does it mean to “make peace”?

“Making peace” with something implies there is a struggle, or even a war. For sports parents, the battle is often in their minds, as much as it is for their children in the game.

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Should they yell at the coach from the sidelines? Chew him out in private? Write the administrators and complain? Try to get the coach fired?

To make peace means that you as a parent accept the fight your child is in, recognize that it’s not your battle to fight, and stop resenting these adversities.

Accept the fight

Sports is competition, plain and simple. That competition is not just against another team, sometimes it’s within a squad. It may even be your children competing against their own past performance.

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Even as you emphasize the fun in youth sports, don’t try to take out the “fight” factor. It should not come easy for your child. If your children never struggle, how will they be stretched to grow and improve?

Stop trying to fight against the “fight”! Let your child learn to take on battles and learn how to find victory in them.

It’s not your battle to fight

As you watch your child battle, you may be very tempted to join the fight. But parents, this is not your battle to fight. This is your children’s game, your children’s challenge, your children’s journey, and it will be your children’s strength, your children’s courage, and your children’s tenacity that see them through.

You are on the sidelines of the battle, giving support and cheering them on, but do not step over the line and start fighting yourself. If this happens, you and your child will not be the winners.

Stop resenting the adversities

The adversities — also known as difficulties, struggles, problems — are often seen as the enemy. They aren’t. The adversities are what will grow your child’s strength and resilience.

I remember hating the adversities my kids went through in sports; I wanted everything to be smooth and enjoyable for them. I still hate it when they encounter adversity and am still tempted to help them figure out a way around it.

But sometimes adversities are the best thing that will happen to your children. Your heart may hurt watching them face the problems, but with your love and support, young athletes can come through stronger than they ever could have if they’d run the other way.

Those adversities may not be your best friend, but they don’t have to be your enemy, either. Stop resenting them and pray instead for wisdom on how to help your child maneuver through them.

That’s how I made my peace with lack of playing time

The struggles are not over. In fact, I’m still making my peace when it comes to watching my kids battle through things. It’s not playing time anymore, because my kids are 24, 27, and 30. Now it’s job frustrations, career choices and relationships. I continually look for ways to accept the fights they must face, let them fight it themselves, and not resent the adversities they face. It’s the only way I can have inner peace.

Janis B. Meredith is a life coach for parents. She provides resources to help parents raise champions. Learn more about how she can help parents Raise Champions.