It’s hard for parents to figure out the best way to handle a poorly behaved coach if it’s their own child’s team. It’s often even more difficult to know how to deal with the same situation if it’s the other team’s coach. 

This is a tough issue because sometimes it’s hard to define what constitutes poor behavior. My opinion about a coach’s behavior is probably different than yours and most likely different than the parents on the other team.  

Before you decide whether to report it or not, consider these suggestions.

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Never confront an opposing coach about their behavior or coaching style right after a game. Win or lose, the coach isn’t expecting to be questioned. It will only create a tenser situation, and nothing constructive will come out of it.

I recommend waiting at least 24 hours before making a final decision about filing any complaint, whether it be directly to the coach or the league. This gives you time to cool off – that’s especially important if your team lost – and really re-evaluate whether or not this coach’s behavior was that bad, or if you perceived it to be worse than it actually was because you got caught up in the tension of the game. 

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I also suggest asking the opinions of the other parents on your team about whether or not the opposing coach’s behavior was as bad as it seemed. Lastly, I’d also ask your child’s coaches what they thought of the behavior. 

If you decide to file a formal complaint, realize that most leagues won’t let you file it anonymously, or if you do, it will be ignored. If a parent feels a need to report something, they should be willing to “back” it with their name. This also enables the league to follow up with additional questions to get more information.   

Rather than make a phone call or head to the league office in person, I would put the complaint in writing in an email. Doing so eliminates any question or subjectivity as to the nature of your complaint and you will avoid someone misconstruing your thoughts, which could easily occur through a live conversation. That being said, there’s nothing wrong with following up by phone to make sure your email was received.

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It’s a tricky situation when deciding whether or not to formally complain about an opposing coach’s behavior. But as I tell parents: “If it’s not reported, it can’t be corrected.”

Jon Buzby has been involved in and writing about youth sports for the past 30 years, originally as a coach and board member with his now-adult son and most recently "just as a dad" with his 8- and 10-year-old sons. Jon is an award-winning writer and his latest book, “Coaching Kids Made Easier,” is available on Amazon. Send comments or future blog topics you'd like to see to JonBuzby@hotmail.com and follow him @YouthSportsBuzz on Twitter.