Sports parents, are you letting your children play their games, or are they playing yours?

It’s hard for sports parents to admit they are trying to live vicariously through their children. Most of those who do, don’t recognize that they are doing it.

So, let’s start with a few questions:

Did you play sports when you were young?

If the answer is yes, the next question is: how well did you do?

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Are you the parent of a youth, middle school or high school football player who’s looking for more tips or resources? Check out our Parent Guide, Parents 101 course, nutritious recipes and more.

If you were good, be careful that you are not pushing your child to be just like you.

If you were not good, be careful that you are not pushing your child to be what you were not. You may be trying to make up for your own frustrations by pushing your child to do what you could not.

If you did not play sports, then be careful that you are not pushing your child to make up for something you wished you would have or could have done.

The best way to be certain that you are not living out your own desires and dreams through your kids is to let your child make the choices when it comes to sports: whether to play and what to play, as long as it is in line with your family’s schedule and budget.

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Once your children make that choice, here’s how you let their games be THEIR GAMES:

• Sit back and enjoy the game. Don’t hover on the sidelines, coaching or commenting. Be a spectator.
• Avoid nagging and pushing: Shouldn’t you be practicing extra? Don’t you want to stay after and work on your passing? If you’re not gonna work any harder, you may lose your starting spot. I know from experience that nagging does not work. It merely puts tension between you and your child.
• Let them fight their own battles. For playing time or a certain position, or even when it comes to team drama. Talk with your children about it at home; give them guidance and support. But let them do the front-line fighting.

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Of course, your children will be influenced by your desires and interests. If they are raised in a sports-loving home, there’s a good chance they will love sports, too. But it’s important to let your children carve their own paths and be their own people.

Janis B. Meredith is a parenting coach. She provides resources to help parents raise champions. Learn more about how she can help parents Raise Champions. This post is an excerpt from her book, 11 Habits for Happy and Positive Sports Parents.