Have you ever fallen into the trap of comparing your children to another athlete or sibling? It may seem like an efficient motivational tactic, but actually its effect is short- lived, if it even has an impact.

I tried it a few times and what was the result? My kids got angry. It really did nothing to motivate them to work harder, and I felt like crap for even trying.

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Instead of comparing your child, even subtly –Did you see how Tommy did his layups? Look how hard Jennifer works after practice – focus instead on motivating through your love and support.

Try these 3 phrases instead:

1. Did you do your best? 

My dad used to look me in the eyes and ask this question. When I answered Yes, he said that’s all he needed to know. Knowing that my best was good enough for him always made me want to keep working hard.

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2. I’m proud of you! 

Let your children know you are proud of them, not because of their statistics, but simply because. Because they work hard, because they’re leaders, because they’re encouragers. But most of all, because they are your children and you love them.

3. Their talent has nothing to do with you. 

Let your children know the talent of another teammate or sibling has nothing to do with them. Your children are their own people, with their own talents, and they are only responsible for their own performances. Encourage them to focus on their own performances, instead of trying to be like someone else. 

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Janis B. Meredith is a parenting coach. This article is an excerpt from her book, 11 Habits of Happy and Positive Sports Parents. She provides resources to help parents raise champions. Learn more about how she can help parents Raise Champions.