We just ended our most recent football season with a first round playoff loss. It was a tough one, and although the loss was by a big margin, we played a pretty good game. We were short one of our key players, and the void left behind happened to be the other team’s strength.

I know youth sports are not about wins and losses, especially for third graders, but I have to confess, it really bothers me to lose like that so often.

My focus is on developing the players within the game and instilling things in them that will help them off the field. As coaches and parents, we are doing a good job of that, but, I confess, I want to do that and win.

Our team won three games and lost six this season. Two of our wins came against a team that didn’t win a game, and the third came as a result of the other team not showing up.

To some degree, I feel like I’m failing our kids. I feel like I’m not preparing them to succeed or teaching them the game in a way they can grasp. During some of the games when we lost badly, I felt helpless. I wanted to help them, but I couldn’t do anything. No matter what plays I drew up or what coaching I gave them, whether I yelled or calmly instructed, the results weren’t changing.

That is frustrating. I’m very competitive, so I’ve determined that I have to learn and get better myself, not solely to win more games, but to be the best coach I can be and to give the kids I coach the best chance to succeed – period.

Here are some things that I’m developing that are helping with this.

• Patience. A coach at any level without patience is a coach doomed to fail. Sometimes, I forget I just began coaching these kids a few months ago, and some have never played the game before. We have to learn each other, the game and how it’s played at this level. Some of the teams we faced have played together for more than a year.
• Study habits. I’m a volunteer coach, so I don’t get paid and don’t have a lot of time to devote to coaching. But the times I am coaching at practice or in a game, or just watching other teams while waiting on our games, I can observe, take note and learn from what works and what doesn’t work.
• Optimism. If I’m pessimistic or down, our kids will see this and it will impact how they view things. It can also impact how I coach them. I have seen growth, even though the scoreboard doesn’t always reflect it. A more talented team can play not its best game and still win on the scoreboard. A less talented team can get beaten badly but give everything they’ve got. The scoreboard says one thing, but each player’s heart says another.

So, I confess. I know it’s about player development and making sure the kids have fun, but I want to win. I want to win for them. I want to win as a measuring stick that we are doing some things right when we coach our kids.

Yet when I look at the kids and see them playing the game and having fun doing so, then I know we have won, and we’ll continue to win as long as that takes place.

Jackie Bledsoe is a writer, blogger, speaker, husband and sports parent of three. He’s played sports for more than 30 years, including the collegiate level, while coaching youth sports for the past nine years. You can read more from Jackie on his blog, JackieBledsoe.com, and connect with him on Twitter (@jbledsoejr).