In many ways, sports parenting can be like riding a see-saw – one minute you’re riding high as you watch your child score a touchdown, and the next you’re watching them cry over a mistake, and you find yourself on the low end wondering how to comfort them.

The highs and lows of sports parenting are inevitable as your child experiences disappointments and victories, but the trick is to stay off the see-saw yourself. If you don’t, you’ll get sucked into their crushing emotional defeats, or (on the high end of the see-saw) get carried away on the wave of success, losing perspective on winning and losing.

Just because youth sports can be an emotional roller coaster doesn’t mean you have to ride it.

I have to be honest and say I struggled with this a lot. My children learned to grow and gain a perspective that helped them ride the roller coaster less and less, and my husband-coach, known as Steady Teddy on the sidelines, rarely let the ups and downs affect his optimism. I, on the other hand, let myself ride the see-saw and it drove my husband and kids crazy.

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Perhaps these lessons I learned over the years will help as you’re faced with the temptation to jump on the see-saw:

You must zoom out

Steadiness of mind comes when you force yourself to zoom out. If you’ve used the zoom function on your camera to get a close view of your subject, you notice it gets harder and harder to keep a steady hand for the picture the closer you get.

As parents, it’s very easy for us to be zoomed in on our kids, and the closer we zoom in, the harder it often is to remain calm about all the little things we see that we don’t like. When you zoom in, you’ll focus on every little miserable detail – how many minutes your child is on the bench, the way the coach looks at your child, your kid’s demeanor on the sidelines – and it’ll drive you crazy.

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Zooming out lets you have a steadier viewpoint as you see the bigger picture. It’s not all about the minutes your child plays, the position they win, the awards they get, the recognition they receive in the paper. It’s about who your child becomes in the process. The more you make yourself zoom out, the more you’ll see that.

You must loosen your grip

I know how hard it is to let go. I still struggle with this, and all my kids are in their 20s! Letting go is something parents must practice early. Loosening your grip means you don’t try to control your child’s future, fight their battles for them or insert yourself into every challenge they face.

If you have a tight grip, you’ll be tense and never get off the see-saw of parental emotions. As you loosen your grip, you’ll find the steadiness of not being on the see-saw is much more relaxing, and will help you get along better with your child. A tight grip won’t nurture a healthy parent/child relationship.

You must ask yourself, “What?”

It’s inevitable that children start to mirror behaviors they see in their parents, so you must ask yourself, ‘What does my child see? A tense, over-involved, controlling parent? Or a steady, supportive, positive one?”

After over 30 years observing youth sports – as a parent and a coach’s wife – I can tell you behind most entitled, selfish players are parents mirroring those very attitudes, and behind most team-player athletes are parents modeling good sportsmanship. You can’t ask more of your child than you’re willing to do yourself.

Parents, you don’t have to let the roller coaster of emotions derail you. You can get off, zoom out, loosen your grip and ask the necessary questions of yourself. Those simple but hard steps will transform the youth sports experience for you and your child.

Janis B. Meredith is a life coach for sports parents. She provides resources to help parents give their children a positive and growing youth sports experience. Learn more about good sports parenting habits in her book 11 Habits for Happy & Positive Sports Parents