Has your child ever gone through a season that can only be described as “bad?”

Maybe they are struggling with getting along with teammates, not getting playing time, not improving, or not getting along with the coach.

In hard seasons, it’s very easy for parent and athlete to get discouraged, and to let that discouragement turn sour — to negativity or apathy.

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If that happens — that you and/or your child let negativity and apathy take over your mindset — then the season has become a waste of your time. Because at this point, your perspective is clouded and you will not be open to or aware of growing and learning opportunities. Negativity and apathy do that to you.

If you are in a “bad” season, then continue reading because I have something very important to tell you: A “Bad” season doesn’t have to be BAD.

If a season turns “bad,” it could be because you and/or your child have stopped looking for what’s good. Whether you did that intentionally or not isn’t the point. The point is that you are refusing to acknowledge something good can still come out of a hard situation. 

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If you want to change that clouded perspective, if you want to turn a “bad” season around, here’s a few things you can do:

Talk about what you don’t like and what you do like about this bad season

Instead of throwing the baby out with the bath water, as they say, sit down with your child and make a list of what they don’t like and what they do like about the season.

Sometimes we let the things we don’t like overshadow the fact that there are really are some things we do like. There’s always going to be things we like and don’t like about seasons, but when we feel the balance has tipped in favor of the don’t-likes, we forget about the do-likes, even though they are still there in full force. 

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Change what you can, and let go of what you can’t

Once you’ve made this like and don’t-like list with your children, look at the don’t-like column and decide which things you or your children can actually change. If your children are frustrated with their performance, help them to figure out how they can work on that. If they don’t understand their roles on the team, encourage them to talk to the coach so they can get clarification.

And then, let go of what you can’t control. This is very hard. Hanging on to our frustrations somehow makes us feel better, perhaps justified in our opinions. But hanging on also controls us, because it warps our understanding and feeds the “bad” season conclusion.

Seek to understand, then to be understood

One of Stephen Covey’s habits of highly successful people is this: Seek to understand, then to be understood. In other words, try to understand why other people act or think the way they do, then try to help them understand your words and actions.

I think it’s important that Covey puts “seek to understand” first. As you seek to understand a coach, another parent, a teammate of your child’s, you earn the right to be heard by them. As they see you are trying to understand and that you do care, they will be more likely to listen to you when you try to help them understand your viewpoint.

Focus on giving, not getting; serving, not being served

One of the reasons that “bad” seasons are bad is that you and your child are letting challenges and hard circumstances consume you. Now, I know your season may be really, really hard. I’ve been through many very difficult seasons in 22 years of sports parenting. But just because circumstances are not to your liking does not mean the “bad-season” perspective has to take over your mind.

One way to keep this from happening is to look for ways to give to and serve others. Outward thinking can help make you healthier on the inside.

For you as a parent, this may mean looking for ways to help the coach, the team parent, or other parents. For your child, it may mean encouraging a discouraged teammate, working on a skill with a teammate who needs help outside of scheduled practices, or looking for ways to help the coach before or after practices and games.

I promise if you and your child start focusing on others, instead of your own difficult season, your negativity and apathy will start to shrink and you will find strength to endure a hard situation.

Instead of counting the games left on the calendar, or the weeks left in the season —because you are so anxious for it to end — try these four suggestions. I think you’ll find that the season will change from “bad” to “hard, but growth-filled” and perhaps even to “rewarding.”

Janis B. Meredith is a life coach for parents. She provides resources to help parents raise champions. Learn more about how she can help parents Raise Champions.