Do you ever feel like you're parenting in the dark, groping through the darkness of the unknown and barely seeing one step ahead? You question your decisions, doubt your parenting strategy and wonder how you will successfully raise decent humans.

Parenting an athlete adds a whole new level of complication to life. So, many times during 22 years of being a sports mom, I remember feeling as if I was floundering in the dark, with nothing to grab onto and help me take the next uncertain step.

But now, I know better. I know what’s important, what’s effective and what’s worthy of focus. And so, today, I’d like to give you some “handles” to grab onto so that even if you feel you are groping in the dark, you have something to grasp, something to help you take the next steps with more confidence.

1. The I-Can’t-Control Principle

The premise of this principle is that you really can't control your child’s youth sports experience. You may try, as millions of parents do, to manipulate situations so that your child has a wonderful, happy experience, but the bottom line is still the same: you are not in control. And if you try to be, you will really make a mess of things.

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The best way to let this principle guide your sports parenting is to stop hovering over your child as they play and stop trying to fix situations that are frustrating to your child.

2. The Look-Ahead Principle

When faced with a trying time, one of the best questions every sports parent should ask themselves is this: Will this matter in 10, 5 or even 1 year?

Most sports parents spend way too much time, emotion, and energy focused on things that aren't going to matter down the road in life.

Oh, but you say, "My child’s self esteem could be injured if he doesn’t get enough playing time." No, your child’s self-esteem will only be injured if they base their identify on the minutes they play. This is where YOU come in. It’s not the lack of playing time that will traumatize your child, but how you handle it and how you help them handle it that could.

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It’s important to remember that there's a bigger picture to youth sports. The awards are fun and the wins are awesome, but there's nothing more important than who your child becomes in the process.

3. The Blame-Game Principle

Sometimes it feels like the best way to soothe anger and frustration is to find someone to blame. This happens daily in our world and youth sports is no exception.

You or your kids want to blame the official, the coach, a player on their team, or the weather.

The problem with blame is that sometimes it’s true. It may very well be a bad call by the official, a poor decision by a coach, a thoughtless action by a teammate, or a wet field that caused the problem. But blame never solves the problem. Blame just makes the blamer feel justified and actually may keep them from looking for ways to improve so as not to face that mistake again. 

So, when you look for someone to blame for your child’s mistake in the game, for their unhappiness with their coach, for their discontent with the position they are playing, think again.  Will placing blame actually help resolve the issue? Or does it merely help you feel better?

4. The Fun Principle

This principle is pretty simple: youth sports should be fun.  Now, that doesn’t negate hard work at all, it simply means that fun and hard work can go together.

Stop sucking the fun out of your child’s youth sports experiences! You do that when you take the game more seriously than they do, when you become too controlling, and when you forget that mistakes are not fatal, they are for learning.

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It’s okay if your child laughs and has fun playing. It’s okay for kids to be silly at practice every now and then. If kids are having fun, they are more likely to play longer and the longer they play, the more they will learn about hard work, rewards, and earning success.

5. It’s-not-my-game Principle

This is your child’s game. This is your child’s journey, your child’s process. It’s not your game. You had your chance years ago. Now it’s your young athlete’s chance to grow, struggle, and have success. The more you interfere and control, the less youth sports becomes about your child and the more it becomes about your ability to fix things for them.

How about you watch from the bleachers, enjoy the game and let your child learn and grow without you constantly taking over for them?

How to Use These Sports Parenting Principles

The next time you feel like you're walking blind through the sports parenting journey and you have no clue what the right thing to do is, these principles are handles to grab and help you take the next step. Write them down and keep handy so you can refer to them at a moment’s notice.

Janis B. Meredith is a parenting coach. She provides resources to help parents raise champions. Learn more about how she can help parents Raise Champions.